sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
