Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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