No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
