What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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