Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
