My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
