I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
