so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
