His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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