I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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