i was rollin on her like bob the builder
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
