You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
