Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
