her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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