I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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