My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
a search helicopter?!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
