I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
