i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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