I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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