a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
