I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I deserve this hangover.
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