I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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