I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
