You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i dont even know how to be here
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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