Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
