i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
