i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize
