R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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