Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
