if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
