Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
