Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
