Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're a waste of cheezeits
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
its liver damage thursday
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
