white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
