k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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