That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
