I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
