I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
