I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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