I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
