WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
