I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
