I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
