They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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