I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My vagina just recognized that song.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
