Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
