Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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