Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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