her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
