it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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